No matter where. No matter what.
I can always find myself being drawn towards you. No one’s ever had to tell me where you were. No one ever had to point a finger. If anything, they told me I would forget. That I shouldn’t remember you any more. I was too young. It was too long ago.
And yet, I always find my way back to you . I know you better than I know myself. I’ve studied you, lived and breathed you. You are a part of me. I’ve held on to you as tight as I can and refused to let go. And I will keep holding on.
Finding you is like feeling the wind. Going with the current of a stream. I just have to quiet my mind, take a breath, and do what feels right in my heart. With all the chatter that goes on in my head, it’s the one thing that keeps me sane. My connection to you, what you gave me. In a way it is my sense of individualism. It’s an unexplainable, original piece of me that only I know about.
What they don’t tell you about loss, or I suppose they do but most of us just don’t want to accept it, is that every one of the cliches they tell you is true. At least , everyone I heard on that day. It gets easier. They’re always with you. They’re in your heart. It’s true to me, anyways.
It takes a special kind of person to keep on influencing others even after they’re gone. Or to continue consoling, supporting, loving someone. I feel this in an ethereal way. But also in a physical way. I feel it through others who he loved, raised, and gave a similarly shaped piece of himself to, as he did for me.
Soon it will be the day again. I don’t know if it is happy or sad anymore. All I know is that, on this day, I find you. I am drawn to you more than ever. And we just sit. Sometimes I talk. Sometimes I listen. Sometimes I just feel. But no matter what, I live in that moment.